A most hearty greeting to you, my fine reader! While I, Oscar Percy, am pained at the occasion on which I am compelled to write, I am delighted that you have chosen to join me on a path of betterment, modification, and enlightenment. The occasion of which I speak is virtually epidemic in scope and unprecedented in history. It seems that our modern day dandies--once the torch-bearers of art and culture, the envy of all respectable society, the universal examples of all things fine and, well, dandy--have dropped the metaphorical ball where class and distinguished behavior are concerned. Yes, I speak of the homosexuals.
It appears that the pursuit of all things base, low, and vulgar has become commonplace and the well-tread path of our fore-bearers has been erased, nay, eviscerated by an insistent compulsion toward the crude, uncouth traditions of our otherwise respectable heterosexual compatriots. Where once, like a magnificent and polished engine, we pulled the train with our pure, steamy might, now we are the pulled; lost in our stinky and cavernous collective caboose.
The Oscar Percy Rulebook strives to remedy the rude ailments that plague the modern homosexual. By adhering to its precepts one may find joy and pleasure in reclaiming the throne of dignity (if I may), and once again forge a bond with society that will enable this generation to live in harmony with the world at large (I speak of course of the First World, as the Second and Third Worlds are rendered obsolete by their monetary situation.) Or if we are incapable of returning to our former glory amongst the elite of the world, at the very least we may rest on a highly fashionable pedestal near them.
So, let us hoist our ship's sail! Let us once again be considered gentlemen of the highest order.
Yours in Brotherhood,
Oscar Percy
Lesson 1: The Coffee Epidemic, or Tea for Two, Coffee for One
