If, out of necessity, you are required to enter a Starbucks, there is a specific code of conduct to prevent over-indulgence. Studying the example below will help avoid embarrassing situations and maintain an air of gentlemanly elegance. Find a partner and read the following aloud. (Note: The lesser of the two readers should play the part of the Starbucks employee.)
Employee: Hi, can I get a drink started for you?
Gentleman: If you must.
Employee: What do you want?
Gentleman: What would I like? Well, I would like a sensible coffee.
Employee: What size?
Gentleman: I would like it in a coffee cup, please.
Employee: Tall, Grande, or Venti?
Gentleman: I beg your pardon? I don't quite understand your pseudo-European, falsely colloquial expressions to indicate cup size, but I would like the smallest coffee available, please.
Employee: (blank stare)
Gentleman: I'll take a drop of milk and no sugar, thank you.
Nothing more, nothing less is required. You may leave the store with your head held high and your dignity in tact. Repeat the exercise until it is mastered, after which you may move on to Lesson 2.
A far-too-common Starbucks encounter.
Yours in Brotherhood,
Oscar Percy
Amputee! (Would it be uncouth to pee a little in my pants from laughing?)
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